The Kookiest Governor & the Conspiracy Party

Here in Maine, the governor’s office and both houses of the legislature just passed from Democratic control to Republican control. Paul LePage, who just got sworn in as governor, earned the support of the Tea Party by proving that he was the was the kookiest candidate on the ballot. And judging from the Maine Republican Party’s official platform, Maine is passing into an age of wingnuts.

Granted, there were kookier candidates in the governor’s race, but they dropped out or ran as write-ins. Take, for example, Democrat Peter Truman, formerly a Republican named Peter Throumoulos, who had already run in a previous election and ended up in jail. But of the seven Republicans, five Democrats, and three independents on the primary and general ballots, there’s no question that LePage was the kookiest.

I’ll write much more about the governor in the future, but for now, here are some excerpts from the state Republican platform:

  • We have let rot from within, the foundation upon which freedom and prosperity must be built…
  • Years of neglect have allowed factions detrimental to the core principles of this nation, to entrench themselves in both political parties, and undermine the education of Constitutional principles vital to the survival of the republic. [Wait a minute — does that mean the Republican Party is undermining the survival of the republic? Was this written by Tea Party activists?]
  • The Tea Party movement is reminiscent of the principled revolt that led to the birth of the Republican Party in 1854… This year it is incumbent upon those Republicans who strive to protect and defend our Constitution, to reclaim that heritage. [Oh, I guess it was.]
  • National sovereignty shall be preserved and retained as dominant over any attempted unconstitutional usurpations of such by international treaty. [How can a treaty be unconstitutional? And who’s usurping our sovereignty, anyway?]
  • Direct the State of Maine to join with other states in asserting our 10th amendment sovereignty rights which protect us from unconstitutional federal government intrusions. [In other words, sue to get rid of the health care law.]
  • Oppose any and all treaties with the UN or any other organization or country which surrenders US sovereignty. Specifically:
    1. Reject the UN Treaty on Rights of the Child.
    2. Reject “LOST” the Law Of The Sea Treaty.
    3. Reject any agreement which seeks to confiscate our firearms.

Whoa, sanity break! We’re getting into serious conspiracy territory here. Is the UN trying to confiscate our firearms, or is it some other “organization or country”? Is it the Illuminati? The Zionist Conspiracy? The Axis of Evil?

Okay, take a breath. Let’s read some more.

  • Restore the process of assimilation of immigrants to preserve the benefits of an advanced educated and prosperous society… Arrest and detain, for a specified period of time, anyone here illegally, and then deport, period. [Wouldn’t it be more efficient to send people to reeducation camps? That way, we could detain them and assimilate them at the same time.]
  • Pass a Congressional reform act which includes the following provisions… Congress participates in the same health care plan as the general public. No preferential plans or treatment.[Oh, cool! Does that mean everybody gets to be on the congressional health plan now? Oh wait, I guess it means members of Congress should have crappy insurance like everybody else.]
  • Restore “Constitutional law” as the basis for the Judiciary. [In other words, replace Constitutional law with “Constitutional law.”]
  • Reassert the principle that “Freedom of Religion” does not mean “freedom from religion”. [What part of “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion” don’t they understand?]
  • Discard political correctness, make public the declaration of war (Jihad), made against the US on 23 Feb 1998, and fight the war against the United States by radical Islam to win. [Don’t get too carried away, or you might accidentally say “fight the war against the United States.”]
  • Defeat Cap and Trade, investigate collusion between government and industry in the global warming myth, and prosecute any illegal collusion. [Not only is global warming a myth, it’s a conspiracy! Let’s prosecute people for talking to each other about it!]
  • Clarify that healthcare is not a right. It is a service.

And let’s not forget the grandest conspiracy of all:

  • Repeal and prohibit any participation in efforts to create a one world government.

These aren’t all the crazy parts. I should have just copied the entire text.

The first time I read this, it made me wonder if the Democratic Party’s platform was as paranoid and nonsensical as this one. Alas, their platform isn’t nearly as entertaining. It’s six pages of specific positions on real issues, with no mention of world government or political correctness. They must be part of the conspiracy.

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